Goodnight friends! Seems like it’s been a very long day, not that I tried to do much more than usual but that I felt more. For the past few months of deepening, lengthening pandemic isolation and various personal stresses I’ve fallen gradually back on old tactics of managing depression and chronic pain inherited from an emotionally absent family – lock it down, don’t look at it, head down, trudge forward.
Today was one of those days where, defenses softnened by exhaustion I expressed myself in an unguarded way that made me confront a facet of that pain. A shock of both agony and relief. Here I am again, a little more honestly sorrowful and whole.
Another day of bright a biting distant blue skies, clouds combed out into long flitting rags, fragmentary rainbow glints on rough pebbly ice, thick enough that it doesn’t crack through all at once but sends out sizzling white fuses of fracture lines one by one.
May we grow in calm and compassionate self-knowledge today!
