Goodnight friends! Like yesterday a day of bustle and swiftly passing events. Flurrying clouds, disorderly start-stop drumrolls of hard rain and sleet, frigid winds, brief hot caresses of sunlight. The lemon yellow flanks of grey wagtails, so light they can patter along floating weedy clots on the surface of streams, egrets like white-flashing marshlights among the wan, sagging stalks of reedmace.
A bit more focus and stamina today, less of that horrible dislocated helplessness, though I still felt locked up from time to time by aching fits and deep, leaden malaise. Was talking earlier with a friend online and realised afresh the relief I feel since I started this diary a few years back and resolved to mention honestly the daily sensations and feelings of chronic illness. It’s been so valuable for my self-conception to dissipate some of the secretive shame and internalised ableism around my experience of pain and fatigue.
May we find the courage and honesty to reflect on what we spend our time and energy on today, and change what doesn’t serve ourselves and each other!
